no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
