the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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