Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
