I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
