We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
