I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this is an emotional support booty call
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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