Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
