He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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