I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
