I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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