Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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