i already hear my dad disowning me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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