Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
