you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
