i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
