highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
