the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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