I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
