Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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