my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
