last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
