oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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