My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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