I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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