Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
