The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
