I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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