I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
