Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
