I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize