I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize