dude i'm inner monologue high
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize