the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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