I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this boner is exhausting
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize