plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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