it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
