I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just gargled with NyQuil
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
