Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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