you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
