i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
