Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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