I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize