Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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