come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
