She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
