I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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