Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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