i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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