so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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