super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just had sex on a roof
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
