No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
