he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
