Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize