So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize