Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
