I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
