about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I pour the whiskey from now on
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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