I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
