I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
