I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
