i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
