Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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