Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
