Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
