I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
