I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
