Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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